The many ways to insult a brass screw

Jason's dark and stormy. He's been working on the study all day and he's still at it. It was going quite well until late this afternoon. He'd finished the painting, cleaned himself up, had a break and poured himself a nice glass of Cabernet. Then he decided to put the brass fittings on the windows...

We are all (the boys and I) keeping very low. Son #3 was swiftly bathed, fed and put to bed. The two older boys are under strict instructions to be on their best behaviour. They know that there is some Jekyll and Hyde renovating occurring in the Sow's Ear.

And the reason? The tiny brass screws which come with the brass window pulls and casement stays are snapping in half.

brass screw cleanly snapped

The screws are no longer referred to as screws now. Jason has officially renamed them any profanity you could possibly imagine:

sh*t things,
motherf*%^ers 
c*&ts 
f*%^ing useless things
pieces of crap
stupid b#^%ards

The screws are not a standard size and there are no spare screws which come with the window hardware. The shops are shut because it is Sunday evening. Mr Hyde, I mean Jason is making do with the little he has at the moment. He just wants to secure the windows before we go to sleep tonight.

I asked poor old Jason how everything was going and he used an analogy to describe his feelings: "You know the first day when wear a new pair of shoes. When you have to walk from one end of town to the other and  you start to develop large blisters on your feet. That's what it feels like. Every bloody step is just agonising."

That's when the latest screw snapped. As did Jason.

I inadvertently took some video footage while I was photographing the "motherf*%^er" (i.e the brass screw, NOT Jason). It's only four seconds of insults which are luckily, in this instance, G rated. 

The Study. It's looking great.

Anyway, you have been warned. Brass screws suck.