Sunday, 22 January 2012

The many ways to insult a brass screw

Jason's dark and stormy. He's been working on the study all day and he's still at it. It was going quite well until late this afternoon. He'd finished the painting, cleaned himself up, had a break and poured himself a nice glass of Cabernet. Then he decided to put the brass fittings on the windows...

We are all (the boys and I) keeping very low. Son #3 was swiftly bathed, fed and put to bed. The two older boys are under strict instructions to be on their best behaviour. They know that there is some Jekyll and Hyde renovating occurring in the Sow's Ear.

And the reason? The tiny brass screws which come with the brass window pulls and casement stays are snapping in half.

brass screw cleanly snapped

The screws are no longer referred to as screws now. Jason has officially renamed them any profanity you could possibly imagine:

sh*t things,
f*%^ing useless things
pieces of crap
stupid b#^%ards

The screws are not a standard size and there are no spare screws which come with the window hardware. The shops are shut because it is Sunday evening. Mr Hyde, I mean Jason is making do with the little he has at the moment. He just wants to secure the windows before we go to sleep tonight.

I asked poor old Jason how everything was going and he used an analogy to describe his feelings: "You know the first day when wear a new pair of shoes. When you have to walk from one end of town to the other and  you start to develop large blisters on your feet. That's what it feels like. Every bloody step is just agonising."

That's when the latest screw snapped. As did Jason.

I inadvertently took some video footage while I was photographing the "motherf*%^er" (i.e the brass screw, NOT Jason). It's only four seconds of insults which are luckily, in this instance, G rated. 

The Study. It's looking great.
Anyway, you have been warned. Brass screws suck.


  1. Oh I feel the pain about the brass screws, that is just plain annoying.
    I've been taking off the brass fittings we have to polish them so they actually look like brass and not a dull light brown metal. Those brass screws bounce a whole lot higher than normal screws I've lost two to the garden and I was not happy.

    Were the window fittings branded? If so, I would be talking to the manufacturer as well as the shop where you bought them.

    The study is looking a treat, what are you planning on do light fitting wise?

  2. It looks great. It looks really, really, really, really great. And the brass screw fiasco will be forgotten one day...but nicely preserved for posterity here :)

  3. Hey Helen,
    Sounds like you and Jason have had the same day! He's on the last window as I type. Not sure what to do about the light yet. It is a low ceiling so it will have to be flush mounted...but they can be so unattractive... xx

  4. Kerry, you snuck in there while I wasn't looking. Thanks. I'll pass is it on to Jason. He needs cheering up. xx

  5. I can feel your hub's annoying when a job is so close to finishing only to have this happen.

  6. What an absolute frustrating pain but those windows look spectacular!!

  7. This brass-screw stuff sounds like every day in my workshop, Bris. I once lost my rag with something when my workshop was in the middle of town, and shouted out "THE STUPID F***ING THING! F***! F***! F***!", then looked up to see a little old lady customer patiently waiting for me to notice her.

  8. We have spent a lot of the holidays with a DIY Hyde out on the deck The kids got some extra outings just so we could leave him to his own devices. May the force be with him and his screws as he pushes into the night!

  9. Any recourse with the manufacturer? Like replacement screws and a bottle?

  10. Poor Jason. Did he have his shirt on or off?

  11. Poor Jason. Yes, he should take those screws back and complain. I'm sure he knows the drill.

    I could imagine the tension. You'll laugh about it all when it comes time to sell the Sow's Ear for a million bucks.

  12. Ha Ha that's so funny! The profanity, not the heartache that Jason is going through! Hope it all turned out well? x Jode

  13. Yes those screws do suck. We had the same problem. The metal is just way too soft. I can picture the scene, it's one I have seen here many a time :)
    I read it out to Lyn and he knowingly chuckled at the new names for the sucky screws.
    Have a peaceful week x

  14. I presume you didn't say to Jason " See. The hundred year old stays and screws aren't looking so bad no eh?"

    Sorry - Couldn't resist.

  15. Yep, been there too.... ;-)

  16. Stupid hardware.
    At least the study is looking great.

  17. Classic renovating drama! All it takes is one stupid screw that doesn't do what it is designed to do..I remember well! Hope he's calmed down by now! Rachael xx


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